Who’s problem is it anyway?
Life is full of problems and we are constantly in search for solving these problems. Each problem that we encounter seems bigger than the other and it really puts us under enormous pressure and stress.
T P Anand
Of late I have started telling people in my conversations “it is not your problem but actually it is my problem”. Even yesterday during a google chat my close friend Sam said something and I immediately replied “adigaprasangithanam”. He did not like that and immediately said “what is the bloody adigaprasangithanam in this”. I could see his anger and frustration. I immediately ended the chat conversation by saying “I apologise, I am sorry”. When I sat back and thought about the chat conversation I realized that what he did was right in his own way and opinion. It was not his problem but it was my problem because I felt he has over-stepped and also commented on it. Even if I had felt that he has over-stepped I could have kept quite.
I remember almost 20 years ago we were all sitting in Mylapore Club and Sam told my then “Godfather” “Sir, Anand is really good in problem solving and I think he should write a book on “How to solve problems”. My Ex-Godfather immediately said “You are very correct Murthy, but I feel most of the problems that Anand is facing are created by him and may be he should first write a book “How to create problems” and then write “How to solve problems”. Everybody had a good laugh except me. These comments really got etched in my brain.
While I was excited with the idea of writing two different books I thought I had a long way to go before I could even try and attempt a small article on the subject.
Last 20 years I have been facing problems – at work, at home, with friends, in traffic, etc., and on many occasions I have been successful in finding the right solution because I ask the question to myself “is this my problem and am I responsible for creating the problem”.
I have still not learnt enough in life to be in a position to write those two books. I thought I should atleast attempt at an article covering – What is a Problem? Whose problem is it? Why are we trying to solve it? How to solve it? How to ensure that it does not recur again?
What is a Problem? It refers to a situation, condition, or issue that is yet unresolved. In a broad sense, a problem exists when an individual becomes aware of a significant difference between what actually is and what is desired. In other words, problem is a gap between an actual and desired situation. If the desire or expectation is set by us then it is squarely our problem and not that of the other person(s).
Whose problem is it? I sent an SMS and expected a reply for the same. I did not get any reply and later in the day when I spoke to that person I asked “did you see my SMS this morning”. The answer was “Yes but sorry I could not reply as I was busy with so many other issues”. I quickly said “don’t feel sorry. It is not your problem. It is my problem because I expected a reply and did not inform you that I will be waiting for a reply”.
On many occasions we would find that the Problem is ours and not that of the other person with whom we are dealing. If the problem is ours then we should only solve it. The easiest way to solve problems is to analyse and see what is the desire or expectation. In my experience I have found that on most issues if we lower our expectation then we will have a good problem to deal with. If our desire or expectation is higher we have a difficult problem to deal with.
Why are we trying to solve it? There is a burning desire in every one of us to achieve what we have aspired for. There is a constant quest for something new or something better or something more. This leads to the desire and the expectation. An ant has been living the same way for the last 2000 years but an aunt or any human being for that matter has not been living the same way for even 20 years. As human beings we keep growing desires and expectations. The growing desire will always leave us with a gap in the actual situation as against what we desire or expect. This brings us to the need for finding a solution to the problem.
How to solve a problem? The easiest way to solve a problem is to understand the gap between the actual situation and the desired situation. Analyse how this gap can be addressed and whether there is an immediate fix or not. We could also look at a correction on the desired situation so that the gap is reduced significantly. In my experience I have found that if we put ourselves “in the shoes of the other person” half the battle is won. There are several ways of solving a problem and given the situation we should try and find the best possible solution which is a “Win Win” for both the parties.
Last year I had an urgent need for money and I decided to close my Recurring Deposit Account with the Bank. I walked up to the Officer concerned in Indian Overseas Bank and said “I want to close my R.D. Account”. He asked me “Sir how much money you need”. I got terribly irritated at this question (though I did not show my irritation). He continued “You have R.D. for 18 months and you have already paid monthly instalments for 12 months. If you need some money for urgent needs why don’t you take a loan against the R.D.” I kicked myself and said why did I not think about it this way.
Sometimes it makes sense to look at the problem as our own and then try to find a solution.
How to ensure that it does not recur again? I have heard people say “human memory is very short lived”. I do not agree with this as I feel Human Memory is phenomenal and on many occasions the memory fails due to our own “selective amnesia”. Whenever we find a solution to a problem it is better to review the situation and register the same in our mind. This will help us to avoid such problems in future and thus prevent it from recurring. Having said that I have faced problems which have repeated and on analysis found that it was my own carelessness or forgetfulness which has led to the problem recurring for the second time.
Life is a long journey and with the present technology it is not very difficult to keep track of the problems and the solutions. I am thinking of recording the various problems that I have faced and the solutions that I have found. It will be interesting to also review those solutions now to see if there could be any improvement or improvisation.
Hindsight is always 6 by 6.
T.P.Anand, Dubai, U.A.E
11th February 2010
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Anand,
Yet another superb article from you. You were absolutely spot on. Actually the problem lies at our side and we keep pointing the other.
More the Expectations we have more the disappointment in our life. I repeatedly say this to so many people.
Lord Krishna in his Bhagavad Gita told this long time back and it is also mentioned in Baghavatham.
Lot mentioned in our Vedic literature, epics but we don’t realise and one fine day we start thinking about that. I like the entire article and yes, you have all the talent to write those two books from which you are keeping away from for no reasons.
Will wait to get the first (Free…I am an Indian you see) copy of them.
Dear Anand – This article is very good and really looking inside the problems and as said the problems & solutions are with in you and not with others. Please keep writing such articles…
Regards,
Karthik
It is really a nice article although it is very very difficult to practice the same in real life. In case we all start implementing it in our own life, almost 95% of our problems wont exist. Thanks a lot.
Praveen Nair
Thanks guys for the encouragement.
I actually ended the article with “Hindsight is always 20:20″ but for some reason Sam has changed it to “Hindsight is 6 by 6″.
Anand,
Clear sight in our parts of the world is certified as 6/6 – clarity of vision seen from 6 meters.
See this, http://www.mdsupport.org/library/acuity.html
Dear Anand:
Your article is well laid out with closely knit events. From beginning till end it runs on the same line.
I hope it is regarding personal problems that we face in society. With that in mind I think the problem always belongs to the one who feels it first, he need not be the originator of the series of actions that preceded the problem. Moreover what we accept or convinced as the solution is only a temporary relief like a pill for headache. There is no permanent/one time solution for any problem. As we move ahead in life the nature of problems becomes different in various stages of life. As rightly said by you, once we feel the problem, we should accept the fact that something has gone wrong from our side either thru bad acts or bad words. Having said that we need not embrace it, rather we have to keep moving ahead (may be towards a solution in store) as it has happened so far. Except mathematical problems (which are man made), for all other problems we don’t know the end and solution date!!! Excuse me if it sounds more philosophical, I live this way.
Dear Mr.Anand,
Thanks for the forward. I enjoyed going thru your article. It was thought provoking.
My personal views on ‘ PROBLEMS ‘ are as follows:
1. What we call is a problem is infact the sudden “diversions” OR “blockages” to our set/planned journey. We might have planned to go to a movie with our family. Suddenly, there may be calls from very close friends/relatives inviting, say, a s.v.sekhar’s drama or a visit to beach or just for a get together at a thick friend’s house, whose wife had just gone to her native place and he is a forced bachelor. Such a situation has provided us with many diversions to our journey, which had originally a single road ie to a movie hall. If you add a call from your boss for urgent discussion on an important official work to this picture, the diversion gets an other angle. Supposing you go ahead with your plan to visit the movie, and if you don’t get tickets, there is ” blocakge “. These two aspects keep “troubling” almost all thru’ our lives and the balanced, focussed and the intelligent persons, do not get so heavily impacted by these developments where as the less balanced, less focussed and less intelligent people get swayed enormously.
On every walk of life, these two aspects ie “diversions” and “blockages” keep coming and these situations are perceived by us as problems.
Broadly, there are two ways to overcome the so called problems.
1. To crack them or jump over them or chose the best among the situation and make course corrections etc., using ones faculties and continues perceivarence, keep attacking the problems, without losing focus on the ” Plan “. Great discoveries have been made by those who followed this method.
2. Not to have any plan. Take life as it comes. This is the philosophic path. Every thing happens as destained by God. HE takes care of everything and our job is to simply walk on the path ahead of us and keep walking: this is spiritual way. (Remember the three forms for living ? Unchcha vridhi, Kapoodhara Vridhi & Ajgara Vridhi.)
There are plenty of other little ways to overcome the ” problems “. ( indha bhagawan enthan ennai ippidi sothanai panrano theriyale.. nan vadam ulatharachha paathu mazhai peyavichhu’ ippidi kalutha arrukkarane….) This is ‘ lachhumi patti’s way. Keep blaming others- not even sparing God- for everything that happens contrary to the plan.
Ultimately one finds his/her own way and the journey is on.
Warm regards.
Partha..
Thanks Mr.Partha. I liked the reference to S.V.Sekar’s drama, going to friends place for get together and Lachchumi patti’s polambal.
Hi
Very good blog and lucidly written.
One question – then ‘Godfather’ becoming ‘ex-Godfather’ is his problem or yours?
Is a ‘Godfather’ is not for Life?
a good article…
my college friend suggested a simple sentence: “its all in the game(of life)”
Great Krishna said:
Whatever has happened, has happened for good.
Whatever is happening, is happening for good.
Whatever is going to happen, it will be for good.
இதுவும் கடந்து போகும்
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