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Language is just a vehicle for communication.   Or that is what they say.

But if the vehicle is not properly used, it might land you up in hilarious situations.  Irrespective of what language that you use to communicate.  Be it your mother tongue or your own tongue when in anger.

When you get angry and lose control over your language, some people say “watch your tongue”.  I do not know how one can watch one’s own tongue wagging?

I tried a lot, the maximum I could watch was my mustache and below that something appeared in rose color. But then, I was not talking when I was watching.  May be they say “watch your tongue” so that in your attempt to watch your tongue you will stop talking.

In one of my earlier jobs, it was decided that the receptionist should also handle customer emails besides attending to phone calls.

We decided that we will set-up Outlook Express in her computer so that she could communicate with us and the customers on email.  I was assigned the job to set up the email and train her.

Since the receptionist was a beautiful lady, I took up the job gleefully.  I set up the email service in her computer, explained to her how to send an email and how to reply to emails received.

To be sure that she understood how to send and receive emails, I told her that I will go and send her a test message.  I told her after you receive my message, please reply back saying that you have received it.

I wanted to do this small exercise to be sure that her account was set up properly as well as she understood how to communicate on email.

To ensure that my bosses knew I have completed the assignment I sent her a test message and cc’ed that to my bosses.  I told her to press reply to all and confirm receiving the message. She dutifully followed my instructions.  She received my message and replied to all.

Mr. Murthy,

I got your test massage.

Thank you for teaching me how to massage.

I have now learned massaging.

Have you received my return massage?

When this message reached my bosses, courtesy the “reply to all” option, my bosses sent mails to the receptionist hoping to get her reply massage.

One of my bosses suggested that she be given a promotion and made his personal secretary due to her newly acquired “massaging skills”.

As a finance guy, I was known to have the skills to massage numbers.  But, this lady made my bosses believe that I had skills in massaging figures too. (Needless to mention here that the particular receptionist was not very proficient in English and our customers were pleasantly surprised to receive her regular massages).

Some years back, one of my friends was blessed with twins.  He was extremely happy and while distributing sweets told us “I have become a twin father“. One of my friends quipped “Thank god, you only got twins.  If it was four (quadruplets), you would have become a forefather”.

It is interesting that same sounding words some times create confusion.  We do not spell the words when we speak. Isn’t it?

My friend wanted a carton box to pack things.

He lives in Chennai where the language most in use is Tamil.

He went to various shops and finally landed up at a pharmacy.

He asked the person at the pharmacy “Carton box irukka? (Do you have a carton box?).

The shopkeeper replied to him “Irukku saar, ethanai venum? Chinnatha? perusa?” (I have, how many you want? Big or small?)

My friend, had few things to pack, so he told him “perusuthaan venum, onnu podhum” (I want the bigger one.  I want one box”)

The shop keeper produced a big box of cotton rolls to him.

Some times missing words create misunderstanding. Almost twenty years back getting a passport which is must for overseas travel was very difficult in India.  I think things have become easier now.

My friend was looking to take up a job abroad and so had to take a passport.   He saw one big board  “Urgent passport 1 hour” outside a shop.

He was very impressed that there was a service available to get that difficult to get travel document so quickly.  He got into that shop and the conversation went like this.

My friend: “Are you sure you can get the passport in one hour?”

Shop owner: “Sure sir.  We have been giving this service for few months now”

My friend: “Outside they are saying it will take atleast 15 days”

Shop owner: “I don’t know about others sir, but we provide in one hour”

My friend: “How much it costs?”

Shop owner: “Depending upon how many copies you need sir”

My friend: “Oh, these days it is given in many copies? I want just one”

Shop owner: “No sir, we cannot give one.  Minimum we give four copies”

My friend: “But I want only one”

Shop owner: “Sir, we will give you four for no extra cost.  You can use the extra copies if you lose one”

My friend (by now impressed): “Ok.  What is the fee?”

Shop owner: “Rs. 100 for four sir, come inside sir we have to take your picture”

My friend (aware that one needs photos for the passport) obliged and was told by the shop owner to “come after one hour to collect”.

My friend went back after one hour to be presented with four copies of his passport size pictures.  (My friend later on became a Chartered Accountant and that studio owner became a ad copy writer).

Talking of language and pun, I think in women’s cricket, no bowler will bowl with a short square leg and will always want to have a fine leg so that no commentator ends up saying so and so is bowling without a fine leg or is bowling with a short square leg. If the bowler is a married woman, then probably the most appropriate fielder at silly point would be her husband but then, no married woman will want her husband standing close to another woman

English is spoken with many accents around the world depending upon the mother tongue of the person.  Chinese pronounce dollar as “tollar”; Arabs pronounce “p” as “B” so petty cash becomes “betty cash”, Thais pronounce “L” as “yev”, and we Indians pronounce all English words in minimum fourteen languages. (The dialogue in Kamal Hassan’s Dasavatharam “Sir knows many languages, he speaks five languages in Telugu” comes to my mind).

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